


Snapped

by Wolfcry22



Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [22]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angry Poe Dameron, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Overprotective, Panic Attacks, Poe Dameron Has PTSD, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Canon, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Finn (Star Wars), Resistance, Sad Poe Dameron, The Resistance Era, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27368776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfcry22/pseuds/Wolfcry22
Summary: Poe has a volatile session with Dr. Firn.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605424
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	1. Strong Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> This story is going to be very rage filled and very honest about the struggles of PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I wanted to be able to show Poe at his worst and having those around him help him out of it. It’s going to be a little of a rougher story, but it is imperative in the entire series.
> 
> Warning for strong language and possibly triggering themes.

Poe waited patiently as he sat on one of the chairs outside Dr. Firn's office. His feet kicked the seat almost fearfully as he picked at his nails distractedly. He had been seeing Dr. Firn for a while, a couple months at least, but Poe didn't think that he was getting any better. If anything, he was feeling worse. Everything that Dr. Firn made him bring up was beyond painful to. He just didn't know how to express that. 

He felt angry all the time. If Finn did any little thing it could set him off. Poe knew that he didn't mean to, but that didn't make it any easier to take. His mind was launching a full assault that he had no way of knowing how to deal with. All Poe could do was try to make sense of it while feeling like he was loosing everything. Memories morphed and things changed right in front of him. He saw things that weren't there and that played tricks on him Dr. Firn was trying to help him make sense of it and it didn't seem to be working.

The sound of the door opening and soft chatter caused Poe to glance up. He forced a smile when he saw Ri-Tun walking out with Dr. Firn. He held his notebook in his hand as well as a flyer for something that Poe couldn't see. He grinned back to Poe as he came over and lifted his hand. "Poe Dameron."

"Ri-Tun," joked Poe as he lifted his hand and clapped it against Ri-Tun's hand. "Still getting into trouble at the hanger I see. You had Riviera practically fuming after you got R6L2 to pull that joke on him."

Ri-Tun laughed as he drew back and nodded with his arms crossed over his chest. "Yeah, I guess I did."  
  
"You didn't tell me about that," broke in Dr. Firn as he shot a glance over at Ri-Tun.

Ri-Tun shrugged. "You didn't ask," he replied as he looked down embarrassed.

Dr. Firn couldn't help but sigh. He took a step forward and clapped Ri-Tun gently on the shoulder. "Alright, I'll see you in a few days for group. At least try and stay out of trouble, alright?" Ri-Tun nodded as he made his way out of the room before Dr. Firn turned to nod at Poe. "You ready?" 

Poe didn't say anything as he grabbed his journal and trudged in front of Dr. Firn. He knew the way to Dr. Firn's office where he conducted therapy sessions without Dr. Firn’s help. He made the trek there twice a week for the past couple months or so. That didn't include group therapy sessions or the times that Finn accompanied him. Either way, Poe wasn't overly thrilled for having to do this and he could feel his blood beginning to boil inside of him. He knew that he was going to snap. He could feel the need like an itch that he couldn't scratch. There was no telling what would happen when he finally did.

Dr. Firn followed him as they made their way to the back of the hallway. Poe headed into the room and plopped down on the couch in the same spot that he always took. He set the notebook aside before tapping his foot impatiently with his eyes flashing in frustration. Dr. Firn didn't seem to notice as he made his way forward and sat in his chair across from him with his own notebook. His eyes were as warm as ever as he looked to Poe.  
  
"How are you doing today, Poe," questioned Dr. Firn gently.

Poe tapped his foot impatiently. "Fine," he grumbled fiercely.

Dr. Firn didn't seem to agree with him. He leaned forward with his hands drawn together. "That doesn't sound very definitive. Besides, we talked about not giving me one word answers. I need to know how to help you and you need to express it. Do you remember us talking about that?"

Poe clutched his hands into fists. "Yeah, I remember that. I fucking remember."

Dr. Firn drew back with his brow knit together. "Poe, we talked about that. Please keep foul language to a minimum, okay?" 

Poe struggled not to let that send him over the end. He needed to keep himself calm for as long as possible. "Fine. Yes, I remember," he huffed.

"You're agitated," Dr. Firn assessed as if it wasn't obvious. "You have a right to feel what you feel, but I need you tell me why you're feeling this way. Why are you agitated?"

Poe thrust a fist against the couch. "I'm not fucking agitated," he reared fiercely. 

"Poe!" This time it was Dr. Firn's turn to raise his voice. Poe's eyes widened in alarm while Dr. Firn leaned back, sighing. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't raise my voice, but please, watch your language. You can talk like that out of this room with your fellow pilots, but not in here. If you're angry then you can tell me. Just don't use that language to do so."

Poe gave his head an angry shake. He looked beyond frustrated and words threatened to tumble from his mouth before he could stop himself. "What do you know about it? You're not in my head. You don't know how I feel. No one knows how I feel!"

Dr. Firn eyed him patiently, all earlier frustration seemingly forgotten. It wouldn't work for him to match Poe's anger with his own. He had to remain as cool as possible. "I don't think that's true, Poe. Naylo, Ri-Tun, Morry, Mhina, and Jasp all have trauma that they're working through. It may not be the exact same, but it certainly is close. Have you been working in your notebook or outside the group? I know that you were meeting with Naylo this week and—“

"Just shut up," roared Poe when he couldn't stand Dr. Firn talking anymore in his calm voice. "I don't want to hear what you have to say!"

Dr. Firn nodded slowly. "Poe, I need you to lower your voice, please. I will let you say what you want to say, but you can't shout when you do so. We aren't the only ones on this hall," he pointed out.

Poe suddenly thrust his hands over his ears to block out Dr. Firn's words. His eyes closed while he thrust his foot back to kick the couch with the heel of his boot. He wasn't sure why anger was coursing through him so much, but he did know that he couldn't hold it in any longer. He would much rather lash out at Dr. Firn verses Finn and if that kept him sane, then that was what was going to do.

Dr. Firn frowned when he noticed that Poe was picking at his skin on his cheek with his nails. He instantly tried to step into Poe's line of sight. "Poe? Poe. Hey, you need to cut that out," Dr. Firn explained as he tried to reach forward and brush his fingers gingerly against Poe's cheek to stop him from embedding his nails into his cheek. 

As soon as Dr. Firn brushed his fingers over Poe's hand, it wasn't Dr. Firn that he felt, it was Ren. He could feel the pain inflicted upon him and Poe shot up, colliding with Dr. Firn. The older man stumbled backwards and managed to catch himself before falling. 

"Get away from me! Don't fucking touch me," Poe seethed with saliva nearly dripping from his mouth.

Patience showed on Dr. Firn's face. While he had tried to be stern with Poe earlier, he knew that it wouldn't help when he was in a flashback. He was just too scared and too volatile right now to respond to anything but as much kindness as Dr. Firn was able to give. That didn't mean that Poe would respond to it whatsoever, but Dr. Firn had to at least try. 

"Alright, alright, I won't touch you. I promise. You need to calm down. I can't help you when you're like this," chided Dr. Firn as he tried to create as much space between him and Poe as possible and still be able to get through to him.

Poe let out a few heavy breaths as he saw Ren in front of him, leaning over him as he riled through his mind as if it was nothing. Poe had fought desperately against it and yet nothing had worked. He had cried and pleaded while trying to thrash around. Ren had just used that as incentive to try harder. Poe felt the force in his brain, pressing and stretching his mind until pain spread through him from his toes to the tips of his hair. Poe could handle pain. It was something that he was accustomed to, but this pain was something that he couldn't ignore and couldn't fight. He let out a guttural scream that tore from him. 

Dr. Firn took a step back. He had dealt with flashbacks before as well as panic attacks. However, this was something different entirely. This was something that Dr. Firn wasn't sure how to deal with at this capacity. Poe was a challenging case in the best of times and now Dr. Firn knew that he couldn't help without risking injury to Poe or himself. He also wouldn't do well with Dr. Firn inviting strangers in to restrain him. There was only one person that maybe Dr. Firn could count on to help in this moment.

He needed Finn.


	2. Only One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn is the only one that can break out of the prison that Poe’s mind often traps him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief warning in this chapter for some self inflicted violence. It’s nothing too major, but it could be unsettling, so I just wanted to leave the warning here. I hope you all enjoy!

"Finn report to East Barracks 2211. Finn report to East Barracks 2211."

Finn sat up from where he had been taking inventory of some spare parts of the outdated droids that they needed around the base. However, he immediately set his supplies down when he heard his name through the speakers that were rigged throughout the base. It usually cut down time when an emergency happened. Now, it was just used for summons like this. 

‘East Barracks 2211. That's Dr. Firn's office,’ Finn thought as he wiped his hands on a rag that hung from his belt. He glanced up to the time and felt his stomach drop.

‘Poe's in a session with him. Oh no!’

Finn immediately threw the rag down and sped forward with his feet pounding against the ground. He was aware of both BB-8 and D-O rolling beside him and Finn didn't have the time to ask them to hang back, not that he thought they would. He didn't have time to dwell on that. If Dr. Firn was calling for Finn over the loudspeaker during their session, then Finn knew that something was wrong.

Finn darted forward and surged over to the East Barracks 2211 where Dr. Firn's office was. He was nearly out of breath when he arrived and he thanked years of Stormtrooper conditioning that he was in as good of shape as he was in. He opened the door and forced his way in with BB-8 and D-O followed just as swiftly. Finn headed down the hallway when he heard harsh shouts coming down from Dr. Firn's therapy room.

"Get away from me! I won’t let you in! The Resistance won't be intimidated by you!"

It was Poe's voice, no doubt. However, it sounded so far away and dark. Poe clearly wasn't talking to Dr. Firn, at least he didn't believe he was talking to him. Finn had a few guesses who Poe was talking about, but that part didn't really matter. All that mattered was if Finn could calm him down.

He didn't hesitate to came to the door and step in without even knocking. Dr. Firn wouldn't be able to keep him away from Poe, especially if Poe was right there. He just hoped that he would make things better instead of worse. Then again, Finn wasn't sure how things could get worse.

Finn walked in to see Poe and Dr. Firn at a stand off. Poe was in the corner of the small room while Dr. Firn stayed a good distance away. Finn had never seen Dr. Firn look so frightened or at a loss of what to do. Finn remembered that Dr. Firn had never seen Poe this severe before. However, this was what Poe and Finn dealt with on a daily basis. Sometimes more than once a day. Finn knew what to do, or at least what he should do.

"Hey, Poe," Finn began as he started to shuffle closer with his feet dragging.

Dr. Firn glanced fearfully to Finn. "Careful, Finn," he hissed.

Finn waved Dr. Firn back. "It's alright. I can handle Poe." It was true. If anyone could handle Poe, it would be Finn. He certainly had a few battle scars from particularly difficult nights and he had learned what to do and what not to do to with Poe. 

"Hey, Poe, can you look at me," Finn chided as he started forward slowly. He need to apply enough pressure that Poe knew he was there, but not too much where he automatically shied away. It was a delicate balance that Finn sometimes got right and sometimes got wrong. It just depended on the day and how wrapped up in a flashback Poe had become. "I need you to look at me, my love."

Poe thrashed his head from side to side. Finn recognized the behavior only too well. Poe had explained that he could sometimes hear Kylo Ren whispering in his ears. He always tried to force himself from his own mind, but rarely could Poe do it one his own. He needed Finn to talk him through it and constantly remind him that he wasn't back there and that Finn was trying to help. It was a delicate balance that they were still working on and Finn hoped that today wasn't one of those days that Poe couldn't be consoled and lashed out at caused any damage to himself or anything or anyone in the room.

"Poe, listen to my voice. Concentrate on me. It's Finn. You're in Dr. Firn's office and I'm with you. I'm right here. Just meet me halfway," Finn murmured as he took another sliding step forward. He was still a few feet from Poe and he could tell this was as close as he could be without Poe jumping from the edge of the cliff he was dancing on. 

Poe took his outstretched hand and slammed the heel of his hand against his jaw. He repeated the process again and again until Finn could see a bruise beginning to appear from the sheer force that Poe used. "Don't trust anyone. They end up causing pain. Such pain!"

"I would never willingly cause you pain, Poe. You know that, but you need to stop hurting yourself. Okay? I want to help you," Finn continued. He took one more step forward and Poe instantly recoiled into the corner until he could move back anymore.

Poe thrust one more harsh shove against his cheek to where Finn could hear the slight crunch. Finn let out a heavy breath so he didn't let his frustration show. "It's okay. I'm right here. I’m right in front of you. I love you and I would never hurt you, I promise. "

Poe took another harsh jab at himself, this time with a fist against his eye. Finn could hear the devastating snap and it was all Finn could do to take a step forward. He knew that restraining Poe was never a good idea, ever, but he also knew that he didn't have much of a choice when Poe began to injure himself with such ferocity. Sometimes it was the only way. 

Finn reached out and grabbed Poe's wrists, gently at first, then with a little more force as he felt Poe twist and pull. Poe seethed in anger as he suddenly shot out a foot to try and kick Finn. Finn saw it coming and stepped slightly to the side to avoid Poe hitting his shins. Poe let out a scream of frustration. "You won't take me in! I'll never tell," Poe screamed.

"Shhh, shhh. I'm not going to take you in. It's Finn, remember? Finn. I'm not going to hurt you. I only want to help you," breathed Finn as gently as possible while also being loud enough for Poe to hear him.

Poe nearly gasped as his body became limp in Finn’s grasp. Finn had to struggle to keep him from collapsing until he wrapped his arms around Poe surely. He stumbled as he lowered down with Poe clutched tightly against him. Finn fell back on his haunches and his head tapped against the wall. He couldn't dwell on it as he held Poe close as Poe lashed out aimlessly. "No! No!"

Finn held Poe close with his chin rested on top of Poe's head. He could feel his soft curls tickling his cheeks and neck. Poe continued to fight against him in drastic spurts of pent up energy before seeming to tire himself out and slowly relaxing against Finn. His energy seemed to be leaving him, but Finn wasn't about to loosen his grip until he was sure that Poe had calmed himself completely down.

He was aware of Dr. Firn looking at them almost fearfully. Finn glanced up to meet his gaze. "Poe just needs some time to regulate himself. This happens often. Do you think you could send some water and crackers? That can sometimes help."

Dr. Firn shook his head to clear it. "Yeah, yeah sure!" With that he made his way out of the room and left Poe and Finn alone.

Poe gave another harsh snap, trying to collide his head against Finn's face. Finn managed to turn just in time to avoid Poe hitting his nose. Poe let out a shrill cry as Finn held him close still, his hands clutched at Poe's wrists. He had his arms wrapped around him to pull Poe's arms in an X around him. This usually calmed Poe quicker than forcing his arms down at his sides. Finn hated using force to restrain him, but sometimes it was the only choice so that Poe didn't hurt himself or others. Finn knew that he wasn't hurting him, despite Poe's cries of anguish.

Finn continued to murmur reassuringly into Poe's ear as he kept him close. Poe's thrashing started to slow as exhaustion washed over him as he collapsed weakly against Finn. It was clear that the flashback was still there, but Poe was too tired to keep fighting against Finn. Finn was relieved. He didn't feel like he could fight Poe for too much longer and this position was making his body ache.

Poe hissed almost painfully before slumping against Finn with his head on his chest. Finn kept his chin pressed against the top of Poe's head to keep him grounded. He heard Poe let out a deafening sob as tears flowed from him. It tore Finn up to see and feel Poe like that. Yet, all he could do was try to reassure him that everyone was going to be okay, even when Finn himself wasn't quite so sure. 

"It's alright. It's all going to be okay," Finn grunted surely. "I'm right here. I'm right here. I'm right here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately sometimes those with PTSD struggle to tell what is real and what their minds are telling them and may react in a violent way when they feel they are being cornered in an effort to protect themselves. This doesn’t happen all the time and with everyone, but it is not unheard of either. Everyone’s PTSD journey is different and I wanted to make sure that Poe’s journey is grounded in reality while making his journey also different from everyone else’s too. I hope you all like it so far and are staying safe and healthy!


	3. Brewing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It feels like every conversation that Finn had with Poe at the moment are tough ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This next part will be very angst heavy between Finn and Poe and show the ramifications of a flashback and how coming down from it is beyond tiring. This will also explore Dr. Firn discussing options with Finn about Poe. I hope you all enjoy!

Finn raised his head weakly when he heard Dr. Firn come in. He held a small bottle of water in one hand and a packet of Resistant crackers that were commonly placed in a MRE pack. He looked baffled to see how Finn had managed to calm him and how the two were still sitting in a heap on the floor. It was far from a completely diffused situation, but it was certainly better than what Dr. Firn thought he would have to do.

"Here," Dr. Firn murmured distractedly as he took a step forward with the items. 

Finn nodded. "Yeah, thanks," he replied as he reached out with a free hand and took the water and the crackers. He set the both down as he tried to unscrew the cap of the bottle with one hand. When he finally managed to, he brought it to Poe's lips. Poe took a few sips before Finn set it aside and lifted a hand to run his fingers through Poe's hair. He then looked up to Dr. Firn expectantly. "What happened to cause this?"

"He came in agitated. I tried to calm him down, but I fear that I only resulted in this," Dr. Firn replied as he motioned toward Poe. 

Finn looked down, his shoulders tight from still being curled in the corner. He lifted his free hand and moved some of Poe's hair from his eyes. "I sensed him getting more and more frustrated these past few days. I had hoped that he would be able to work things out, but alas that isn't the case."

"Does this happen.....er......often," questioned Dr. Firn as he took a seat at his chair across from them.

Finn nodded slowly, apprehension churning in stomach. "Yes, it does. Not always to this extent, but the flashbacks can be a struggle as well as the nightmares. Trust me, we've tried a lot of things to control them. Sometimes it's just best to let Poe work through them and ride them out," he answered as he lowered his head and kissed the top of Poe's head. Gentle reassurance was always important for Poe.

Dr. Firn still seemed at a loss for words. Finn couldn't blame him. It had taken him a while to get used to Poe's outbursts. He couldn't quite say if he had gotten used to them, but he had learned to deal with them. It had taken many times of trial and error and now he felt like he had somewhat of a handle on them. He would believe that and then something like this would happen.

"I don't know how you do it," Dr. Firn managed to say as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I knew his condition was challenging, but not like this." 

Finn didn't like to think of it as challenging or a condition. It was just something that they dealt with and learned to live with. "Yeah, we get used to it. It takes a while, but we always bring him out of it. I'm just glad that it didn't get too physical."

"Does it often," pressed Dr. Firn.

Finn set his jaw. The last thing that he wanted to do was make Dr. Firn think of Poe in this light. However, he couldn't lie to him either. "No, but it can sometimes. Normally not more than once a week or so. It usually wears him out too and his mind can slow down, at least for the most part. It depends on what part of the flashback I see. That can be the most difficult part of how to approach it."

Before Dr. Firn could say anything more, Poe started to shift beside Finn. Finn was able to release Poe's arms without fear he would lash out against at either himself or Finn. "What happened," Poe questioned sleepily.

"You had a flashback, but you're alright now," reassured Finn as he brushed his hand over Poe's forehead to move his hair aside. He then leaned forward and kissed his forehead ever so gently. "You're with me in Dr. Firn's office. It's alright."

Poe looked up in alarm as he took in his surroundings. He saw Dr. Firn looking at him with a look in his eyes that he couldn't place. Was it shame? Embarrassment? Hostility? Pity? 

Poe let out a low moan as he felt a rush of his own emotions. He couldn't think of it and everything was just too much for his fragile mind to take. His head bowed as he pressed himself against Finn's chest. Finn could feel his shirt growing wet with Poe's tears and he knew that this was something they needed to sort out without any outside and prying eyes.

"Could you give us a minute, please," Finn pleaded with an almost begging look in his eyes when he looked to Dr. Firn. 

Although reluctant, Dr. Firn rose to his feet stiffly. "Yes, yes, of course. Just come out when you're ready. I'll give you as much time as you need," he answered as he walked to the door and stepped out into the hallway. Only when the door closed did Poe vocalize some fearful sobs.

Finn didn't try to talk to him while he happened. He knew that Poe needed to release his emotions fully before Finn even tried to communicate with him. Finn didn't want Poe to shut down anymore than usual. Finn wasn't even sure if that was possible, but it would be best if he didn't try to find that out.

Once Poe's sobs tampered off to pungent sniffles, Finn knew that it was time to try and see what was going on with him. "You're okay now. You're with me and I'm not going to let anything happen to you, I promise." Finn gave Poe a tight hug. Sometimes physical reassurance was the best way to break through to Poe.

"You weren't here, though, when it happened," Poe pointed out harshly. "You weren't here."

Finn felt like he had swallowed a stone and it had gotten lodged in his throat. Poe was right and there was no denying that. Finn knew that it was impossible for him to be with Poe all the time. They couldn't be attached at the hip, as much as both of them would enjoy that. Finn wanted to help Poe gain as much independence as possible. He struggled when noticing when to let Poe figure things out on his own and struggle and help or when to step in and support him. He felt that he had made a crucial mistake in letting Poe in with Dr. Firn when he knew that something was brewing.

"I know that I wasn't here, but you were in a session with Dr. Firn. I thought you would be alright here without me," Finn answered. It wasn't the best answer he had ever given, but it was something.

Poe whimpered once more. "You weren't here when I needed you. What if when I need you again, you will have left me for good?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously this is just one take of PTSD and I want to keep Poe’s as real as possible and show the negatives as well as the positives. It’s certainly not pretty, but having those to rely on even in those bad times are what helps people get through it. The next chapter will be a continuation of this and continue to explore it more. I hope you all enjoy and are staying safe and healthy!


	4. Love Shown In All Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes talking is all that Finn knows to do to help Poe out, even if he isn’t sure what to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a hot second since I’ve added to this story. I’ve had a lot going on as of late, but I definitely didn’t forget about this story or the series. I also want to thank everyone who has read, commented, and left kudos. It warms my heart so much to see each one of them and to hear that so many of you have related to characters in the series is one of the best things that I can possibly hear and I appreciate everyone who has reached out with their story. 
> 
> Anyway, back to the story. I hope you guys enjoy the next part!

"I would never leave you forever," gasped Finn in shock. He knew that Poe was emotional, but he didn't think that he would go there.

Poe didn't seem convinced. "Why weren't you here when I needed you?"

"I thought that you would be okay with Dr. Firn. I didn't realize how upset you were before you came," Finn confessed with his head bowed. "Do you remember anything that happened before the flashback or what the flashback was about?"

Poe sniffled as he rubbed a hand over his eyes to wipe the tears away even though his eyes were still red and puffy from crying. "I was just so angry!"

"About what?" Finn could already see Poe starting to shut down. He didn't enjoy answering these type of questions and it showed. However, Finn needed to get more out of Poe before this happened again. "I can't help you unless you tell me, Poe."

Poe curled his lip and Finn half expected him to lash out again. Luckily, he just shifted to a more comfortable position while still keeping his entire body weight pressed against Finn. "You don't understand?" 

"I don't understand what?" Finn had learned that it was sometimes best to copy what Poe was saying. That way Poe could understand that Finn was on his side and just wanted to understand things better for his sake.

Poe's mind reeled in an attempt to explain what he was feeling. "What it's like....what I feel.....what goes on inside my fucking head!"

Finn nodded understandably. Poe wasn't wrong. Ordinarily, comments like that would make Finn's blood boil. He was doing his best! Although this was what was on Finn's mind, he knew that there was no point in pointing that out to Poe. He needed support, not argument right now. "No one is going to fully understand. You have friends from the support group that understand slightly, but I know that it's not the same. It's hard, it's damn hard what you go through. No one is denying that. I wish I could take this from you, Poe, you know that. If I can do anything to help this, I would. I love you and I will fight to my last breath to protect you. You know that, right?”

Poe whimpered as he looked up to Finn, eyes dewy with emotion. "I know, I'm sorry." 

Finn managed to move his hand so that he could use his fingers to rub the tears away. "You don't need to be sorry." That just caused more tears to roll down Poe's cheeks. Finn instantly felt bad for causing it. "Hey, hey, hey, there's no need for that. You don't need to be sorry. You need to express how you feel. I want to hear these things, even if they're hard to hear. Please don't shut me out. I want to hear everything that you feel, no matter if they're hard to hear or not. Do you think you can do that for me?"

Poe blinked even more tears from his eyes. "I love you, Finn," Poe told him.

Finn leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Poe's. It was an intimate moment that the two had started to share right after Poe had started to struggle with his mind. It was easier for Poe than a kiss, which took a little more concentration. It also helped ground him by him feeling Finn pressed against him, skin on skin, and not overwhelmingly so. Finn enjoyed being able to be like this with Poe and he would never dream of pressing him into more than he was capable of enjoying. It was something special that him and Poe could experience together that no one could take away from him. 

"Do you think that you would want to go back to our room? Maybe play a game or something," offered Finn as he smiled at Poe hopefully.

Poe stiffened at the mention of going back to their room. "I guess so. You'll come too, right," questioned Poe apprehensively. 

"Of course," exclaimed Finn. "I wouldn't just leave you there, especially not now. You're going to be stuck with me for a while." He nudged Poe ever so slightly to try and bring a smile to Poe.

Poe seemed to agree as he untangled himself from Finn as Finn rose to his feet. He could feel a stiffness seemed to settle through his body as he blinked his eyes tiredly. He still had so much to do and wasn't anywhere near completed with any of it. The responsibilities plagued his mind, but Finn couldn't dwell on them. His first responsibility was to take care of Poe. Everything else would fall into place, at least he hoped so. 

Finn offered a hand toward Poe to help him up. Poe was still shaky and would need Finn's support. Poe lifted both of his hands as Finn grasped both of Poe's hands in his slightly larger ones. He hauled Poe to his feet and held him close until Finn was sure that Poe had his footing. "Alright," questioned Finn worryingly.

Poe nodded. "M'fine. I can walk," he reassured weakly as he almost shuffled forward. His eyes were still round with reluctance and nervousness as he looked around as if expecting something to jump out at him at any moment. Finn longed more than anything he could take that deep rooted anxiety away from him, but that wasn't possible and Finn could only tire himself trying.

They made their way into the hallway where BB-8 was waiting with D-O. He rolled forward excitedly, beeping and whistling as he came up in front of his friend. Poe seemed to snap from his anxiety as he saw his droid coming toward him.

Poe immediately kneeled and rubbed his palms against BB-8's body. It wasn't as frenzied as usual, but definitely still meant the same. He leaned over and pressed his forehead to BB-8's dome. "Hey, buddy. Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Finn was with me. You don't have to worry." 

Finn smiled down to them before noticing that Dr. Firn was still watching. Worry slightly showed on his face as he turned his head to the side, inviting Finn to speak together privately.

While beyond reluctant to leave Poe, Finn knew that it was important to speak to Dr. Firn. "BB-8, do you think that you and D-O could take Poe back to our room?"

"R-R-Room," asked D-O.

BB-8 gave a beep of understanding while Poe straightened with his eyes wide. "You're not coming," he questioned hollowly.

Finn leaned forward and planted a kiss on Poe's forehead before tipping his chin upward so that Poe had to look at him. "I'll be right there. Go with BB-8 and D-O. They'll make sure that you're taken care of until I get there.”

"Okay." Poe started forward with D-O behind him and BB-8 leading. Finn trusted the droids with his life, but it was difficult to see Poe leave without him after having such a devastating panic attack and flashback. Yet, he knew that whatever Dr. Firn needed to tell him had to be serious.

Finn watched them go before Dr. Firn slid forward before leaning against the desk that he had out in his reception area. "We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more chapter after this one between both Finn and Dr. Firn so it will be a little slower, but still important. I hope you all enjoy and are staying safe and healthy!


	5. Wait For Better Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems that all Finn can do at the moment is wait and hope for things to get better.

"Alright," Finn replied as he crossed his arms over his chest. He transferred his weight to his back leg with his front leg slightly kicked out. "Go on."

Dr. Firn sighed. "I did not know that Poe was that far gone. His flashbacks are intense and those panic attacks can turn volatile. Now, I'm going to ask you a question and I need you to answer it truthfully. Has he ever struck you," he questioned.

Finn set his jaw. He could distinctively remember a few nights ago that Poe had woken up thrashing in their bed. Finn had loomed over him in an attempt to wake him up, but when Poe opened his eyes, he didn't see Finn. He had instinctively swung a fist and had collided it with Finn's temple. Finn had seen stars and had nearly fallen over Poe after the strike. It had taken a few moments before Poe had managed to pull himself out of it and see that Finn was there and trying to help him. Poe had been distraught that he had hurt Finn and that hadn't been the first nor the last time things like that had happened.

"Once or twice," Finn lied silkily. 

Dr. Firn looked disbelieving as he narrowed his eyes. "Uh huh. I need you to start documenting when this happens."

"Documenting," echoed Finn in shock. He recoiled with disgust on his face. "Why would I need to document? There's no reason that we should document. No reason at all!"

Dr. Firn leaned forward so that he could try and calm Finn down before things could escalate. "I need you to put your emotions out of this, Finn. I can only help Poe when I know all the facts. If he's being that volatile when he's not here then I need to know. That way I can help."

Finn pointed a finger at Dr. Firn, waggling it madly. "Are you going to prove that he's incompetent? When he's fine, he is a great General! You can't take that away from him."

"I don't want to take it away from him," Dr. Firn replied quickly as he stretched out a hand and pushed Finn's hand down. "That's not what this is about. I just need to know what if going on when I can't see him. I can't help what I can't see."

Finn drew back and rubbed his hands over his face, slightly groaning. He quickly crossed his arms back over his chest as his foot tapped impatiently. "Look, I don't think that I can do that. He comes here and talks through things and I do too. What happens inside during Poe's worst moments don't need to be expressed. He hasn't consented to that and I couldn't ask him to do so. We'll deal with whatever happens outside of here alone. We don't need to bring anything outside into our private space," Finn continued with such conviction in his voice that he felt himself growing more angry the more that he spoke.

Dr. Firn opened his mouth to argue before clearly thinking better of it. He knew that no matter what he said was going to get through to Finn. It would be a waste of his time to keep pushing him. "Well, that is your choice. If anything changes you don't have to hesitate to ask me."

Although Finn knew that Dr. Firn meant well and had helped a lot and would continue to do so, somethings Finn just couldn't tell him. He needed to keep some of what happened between Poe and himself private. That would mean that Poe would be able to trust Finn and wouldn't think that everything that happened would automatically be blurted to Dr. Firn. Trust was a major thing with Poe and Finn didn't want to break that.

"Try to get him to open up later about what he's fully angry about. That may help," Dr. Firn suggested as he handed Finn Poe's notebook that he had left in the room.

Finn took it softly as he looked down to it. He brushed his thumb over the rough leather as he gave a small nod. "Yeah, okay," he murmured as he started toward the door. There was no way that he could think clearly about this at the moment. Everything just seemed so dark and this had not been what he had hoped would come from the day. It was too late for him to do anything about it now. He had to embrace it whether he wanted to or not. 

He made his way out of Dr. Firn's office and headed down the hallway of the barracks. It was basically just Dr. Firn and a few other people there. Finn had only gotten halfway down the hallway when he felt emotion begin to overwhelm him. He let out a breathless sob as he stumbled against the wall with his hand lifted up to cover his eyes. A sob was torn from him as he pressed his back against the wall and slowly slid down until he was sitting with his knees brought up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around his legs as he held them to his chest with his head stooped forward as tears continued to flow. 

Life wasn't getting any easier, and he feared that it never would. All he could do was pray and wait for things to finally get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this installment! I hope you guys all enjoyed and are staying safe and healthy!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this part so far and are ready for the next one that will have Finn in it. I hope you all are staying safe and healthy!


End file.
